Double bind

  In psychology, a double bind is defined as when a person receives conflicting orders that contradict one another and becomes confused. To follow one order would be to disobey the other or incur some kind of punishment. This can apply to when body language or tone of voice doesn’t match what is being said. Double binds can be used by abusers to confuse and gain control over their victim.An example of a double bind would be when a mother is visiting her son. He puts his hand on her shoulder and she recoils. He takes his hand away, thinking that she doesn’t want to be touched. But then the mother says, “What’s wrong, son? Don’t you love me?” Her body language is not matching up to her actions.Another would be if a teacher told students to write a paper using sources to back up their argument but also to write the paper on their own and not to consult any outside texts or people. So the students can either research their articles and be accused of cheating, as they consulted other sources, or turn in a paper with no sources and be accused of plagiarism.A double bind is a more subtle form of psychological abuse that can leave the victims feeling panicked and unsure. No matter what they do, they’re going to be wrong. Or the abuser is saying one thing but doing another, leaving them uncertain of what they actually want and unable to appease them.While this might sound like something only a psychological abuser would say, average people, sometimes unwittingly, put people into situations where they are doubly bound. A boy dating a girl might tell her that he dislikes “sluts” and girls that move too fast, but then inform her that if she doesn’t want to have sex with him within 4 weeks of their first date, he will break up with her. A girl might tell a boy that she doesn’t like men who are dominate and rough, but then demand that he has violent, kinky sex with her.Bosses, parents and other people in positions of authority who give orders to others can find themselves giving their subordinates double binds without realizing it. This is why it’s important to realize how we are treating people and how we give instructions. Everyone needs to make sure that what they’re doing is not putting people into a psychological situation that has been recognized for over 50 years.Seriously. We have enough problems. Take it easy on people.