Love Italian Style: Cook in the Kitchen, Chapter 12

 Chapter 12 is all about the children. Antonia, Gino and Joey. Melissa writes about getting pregnant right after the wedding and how she had difficult pregnancies with fluctuating hormone levels and required bed rest when she was pregnant with Gino. Then she starts from the beginning with all of the births.Joe pops in to talk about Antonia’s birth and gets a little creepy. Apparently he wanted a boy. He relates, “I was afraid about having a girl. I know how I can be. I’d be insanely jealous of any boy coming around for my daughter. Having a boy would be so much easier.” He’d be jealous of a boy who wants to date his daughter? Why? Does he want to date her?Anyway, Joe then breaks out in hives and starts itching right after the birth of his first child. But for the second baby, Gino, Joe manages to keep it together. When he discovers that he has a son he writes,When we had Gino, I went crazy. My first son. I was so happy. In the delivery room, I was yelling, “It’s a boy! It’s a boy!”I asked the nurse, “Is this a big one? Normal Is he big for his age?” I looked down at him and thought, “That’s my boy!” I put a Giants jersey on him right away.Because sons are better than daughters. Neither parent seems to have any sense of awareness of what their gender roles will do to their children and how Antonia will pick up on the fact that while she was okay, having a boy was better. But more on that later.When Gino was about eight months old, he started coughing and struggling to breathe. The Gorgas raced him to the hospital and he was put into a pediatric intensive care unit. Joe writes, “The ward was for really sick kids. Some of them had cancer. Melissa and I looked at each other and said, “We are blessed with what we have.” ” Yeah, screw those other kids who are dying, they have a generally healthy family.Gino is diagnosed with croup and is out of the woods in under a week. Melissa is then inspired to donate and do charity work for children’s hospitals. This includes one where she had to get an open-heart surgery when she was 7.Melissa then talks about Parenting Italian Style. She starts off by discussing how she tries to limit the amount of time the kids have on Real Housewives. Then Melissa goes into a strange section where she talks about how she dealt with being a stay-at-home mom to three children under 4 and how she dealt with Joe during that time. She writes,I was at home with them from 6am to 9pm. Joe would come home covered in dirty head to toe. No matter how tired I was, or  how filthy he was, I was so glad to see another adult. I’d sit and chat about his day, the kids, and upcoming plans. I kept my tone light and my voice smooth. Of course, I was tried and stressed out. I was home with three babies all day long! I felt the temptation to unload my stress on him, to nag and complain. But that wouldn’t turn my feelings around or make him feel glad to see his kids. We’d both worked as hard as we could… He needed peace when he got home. I needed it, too. I wanted to relax into his presence and companionship. Bitching was the opposite of relaxing.Remember that entire section where Melissa talks about how Joe will come home and yell at her because he’s stressed about work and now that’s normal and okay because you should be unable to unload on your spouse instead of ruining a business deal? Why doesn’t Melissa get the same luxury? Joe has to come home to peace, but Melissa has to deal with coming home to verbal abuse.Joe then pops in with some more wisdom about gender roles and his fragile masculinity. He brags,Some guys change one diaper give the baby one bottle, and declare themselves Super Dad. They hand the baby back to Mommy, and then go to the garage to putter around or sneak off to their office to look at porn. I don’t feed babies, or change the diapers. My father never wiped my ass, and I don’t wipe my babies’ either. But, I get on the floor and play with my kids for hours.The paragraph starts out like Joe is saying that a man shouldn’t just do one simple thing with the baby, then hand them back. But then he admits that he doesn’t help with his children at all. He plays with them. He doesn’t feed them, diaper them, dress them, bathe them. He gets on the floor and plays.While that is undoubtedly important, he shouldn’t be criticizing a man who will actually get his hands dirty when his Super Dad routine begins and ends with playing on the floor. But of course, he couldn’t change a diaper or feed a baby, it might make him sprout that vagina that he’s aways afraid of acquiring. Babies are women’s work, so why bother doing anything to help out with them? He has a penis, damn it! He needs to do manly stuff.But if you think that was bad, don’t think it’s over yet. It just gets worse. Melissa then launches into a section entitled Double Standards. She writes that her father was strict with her and demanded to know everything about where she was going and refused to allow boys to be over at the house or to let her go to the mall to just hang out. Melissa then writes,Joe is just as strict with Antonia, and it’s going to get even worse. During any kissing scenes on their TV shows, he makes her cover her eyes. He’s funny about boys and kissing, anything sexual at all. She is not allowed to see it. Antonia won’t be allowed to have boyfriends come over. Even when she’s in her twenties, Joe and I do not want to know. I know Antonia is going to have them, but we want her to respect herself. That means making her realize how seriously we the matter of boy and sex.And if you think that is unfair, just wait until you hear this! Joe jumps in and adds,My sons can have a separate entrance to the house. They can come and go as they wish. They can have anyone up to their room. I don’t care. But I want to keep Antonia my little girl. Look, I know she’s going to meet someone one day, and it’s going to happen. But not with fifteen people!My wish is for her to have one boyfriend for a very long time They have a mutual breakup with no bad feelings. Then she marries the next guy. That would be ideal. I don’t want her to ever have her heart broken. The only way I can see to helping her romantic life work out that way is to be really strict and overprotective about who she sees, when she goes out, and what she does.I know it’s a double standard. But I just don’t care! I don’t see it so much as restricting Antonia, but as protecting her.Poor Antonia. As soon as she hits puberty she is going to have a rude awakening to the reality of a traditional family. Her brothers will be free and unrestricted, but she will be treated with suspicion and contempt. Her father already has her romantic life all figured out and any deviation from this will be a disappointment to him and I’m sure a lack of respect on her part.Imagine if something happens to her. She is never going to feel comfortable talking to her parents about it. She will mention that she thinks she likes a boy in her class and Melissa and Joe will stick their fingers in their ears and sing songs from the public domain until she stops talking. How this slut-shaming, double standard parenting style is supposed to help Antonia grow into a woman is beyond me.Melissa continues, talking about how the kids have to keep their rooms clean and Joe adds in that they have to mold their kids now, while they’re saplings. Whatever. Melissa then finishes up this section by stating not to baby your spouse. Which, I’m not sure a lot of people do anyway.But the most bizarre section of this passage is when she writes, “He [Joe] acknowledges the emotions that matter. He’s quite the crier himself, actually. I take some credit for that. When we first met, he was like Mussolini.” As hilarious as Melissa probably thinks that simile was, it’s never funny to compare your spouse to a fascist dictator that’s remembered as an all-around horrible person. But whatever. This section is over. Joy.To read all review entries of Love Italian Style, click here. Blogs are in reverse chronological order.